i don't want him going to this rave
i don't feel comfortable with him being around woman in toga's
correction, i don't feel comfortable with him being around drugged up woman in togas...
i was okay with him going until he "accidently" mentioned the fact that it was a toga themed rave
i only found out about that because he was mentioning it to his friend in front of it and added in that it was a toga rave to see if that would make him want to go
i trust that he won't do anything
i just don't feel comfortable with it
but hey what i think about this doesn't matter
because regardless of how comfortable i am with it
it all comes down to what he wants to do
and since he wants to go, he's going to go
whether i like it or not
and if he doesn't go, he'll be an ass to me about it and so will matt and tim
so it's a lose lose situation
.....
i think that it unfair that he gets to go out and have fun
and i get to be stuck at home doing nothing
i hate that i haven't been able to do anything stress relieving
yet this will be his second rave to "relieve stress"
it's like me having fun doesn't matter
and all that matters is that he gets to go to his raves and have a good time
the worst part about it
is that when he goes out to have a good time
i get to be stuck at home
worried about whether or not something is going to happen to him
and because of that i don't get any sleep that night
and 9 times out of 10 i have to open that next morning at work
so i won't sleep till he gets home which is at like 4/5 and i have to be up at 6 to work
....
i don't know i just needed to vent for a second there
i just don't feel the fairness in this situation
and i hate it
but the minute i say anything we argue about it
and i'm the one at fault...and i hate it...

....update:
i think i realized one of the things i hate most about his and my relationship
i hate that i'm the one that got thrown into this adult situation
where i have to man up and sacrifice things in order to make things better
and the only thing he has had to change was the fact that he needed to get a job
but other than that he still gets to do everything he used to do
while i don't...and i hate that with a passion